The Journey to Redemption
“It was very clear to me that He didn’t want my perfect story; He wanted my messy one.”
In preparation for the 2024 season of the Redemption shipping container, Abby will be taking you through her ongoing personal journey to redemption and how it's influenced where she's led the Redemption community since its beginning.
In this episode you'll hear Abby share on:
- getting out of the mud puddle and moving forward
- living with open hands and a willing heart
- personal accountability and boundaries
- intentionality in relationships
Follow Redemption on Instagram or Facebook @redemptioncoffeehouse.roastery or follow Abigail’s personal account @abigailmelton_
Abigail Melton
Abby is the founder of Redemption. She has a passion for people which lead her to start Redemption and continues to fuel her as she grows the business. She serves Redemption as the CEO and loves every minute of bringing growth, leadership, and vision to the company.
Follow Redemption on Instagram or Facebook @redemptioncoffeehouse.roastery or follow Abigail’s personal account @abigailmelton_
Read the Podcast
Intro: Welcome to Beyond the Bar, the podcast where coffee and conversation are a catalyst for growth. If you’ve been searching for that coffee-with-a-friend experience that leaves you feeling seen, met, and encouraged, you’ve come to the right place. So grab your cup, listen up, and together we’re going Beyond the Bar.
Abby: Hi guys, welcome to Beyond the Bar, I’m your host Abby, I’m so excited that you’re here. Today’s episode is going to be a little bit untraditional from our previous episodes and in full transparency I’m a little bit nervous about it; I’m handing off my hosting responsibilities today because we’re going to be diving into my personal story, the journey to Redemption, and if you stick around ‘til the end, I’m going to be sharing a couple of secrets that you can expect with season four at Redemption.
So I’m gonna introduce our new host for today’s episode: she’s my cousin, one of my best friends, I’ve known her her entire life, so I’m a little bit intimidated what that’s going to look like on asking the questions, um, but this is my cousin Lily Melton
Lily: Hi guys, I’m so excited to be here, I’m also super nervous, this is new for me, I’m totally a person that loves podcasts, but this is my first one, so bear with me while we get this together but um… like you said, this has been a really non-traditional season, couple seasons…
Abby: Mm-hmm.
Lily: …lots happened, um, and I know how this has all been started, I’ve been with you through the ups and downs, but kind of give your listeners umm… just kind of how it got started, and what do you have to say?
Abby: Yeah, it was definitely a, like, a untraditional start to a business, I would say. I was in my final semester of college, I was graduating with a degree in marketing and that was kind of, that date was impending and I was freaking out because I didn’t want to go into marketing. So I was at the shop crying with Grandpa Richard and just like, “I don’t know what to do, all I wanna do is this coffee shop and roastery that I’ve kind of dreamed about”, um, and I remember him looking at me and saying, like, “Abby, with God nothing is impossible, so why don’t you just start looking?” So I did, and found the shipping container, and yeah, the rest is kind of history, within three months, like, from that conversation, um, to grand opening day, that was like a three month process so that happened really fast, and yeah graduated and like a week later we were opening, so…
Lily: Yeah, so what was kinda like just going through your mind at that point, like, I mean, you get the happiest of happy, you get the lowest, you get like, the scared, like the unknown, like what was going through your mind?
Abby: Honestly like looking at it now, like I couldn’t have said this at the time, but after a few years of like processing I really feel like there’s just a ton of like grace covering me the whole time. If I would have thought through it hard enough- and I was thinking through it, like it wasn’t something I took lightly -but I kind of feel like the Lord kind of like blinded me to like my own natural tendencies, kind of? Um, it, it, looking back now it almost seems out-of-character-
Lily: Yeah, yeah…
Abby: -’cause I was, I’m, I have been such a planner and such a control person, wanting to just, everything to go perfectly and like the way I want it to, I don’t want to jump unless it feels like really safe… um, so I’ve always been someone who’s struggled to take risks. I only did things that felt like comfortable, so looking back now, I’m like, “I don’t even know how Abby did that”, like, “That’s so not Abby”, so I think, yeah, like there was a ton of emotions like you said but for the most part I was actually pretty much like, I knew this is what I was supposed to do, even though I was doing a bunch of things I had never done before and it was going super fast and really crazy. So, yeah, I think God just really had a hand in that whole thing.
Lily: Yeah, for sure. And so, you know, people see your first season, it was great, you’re still trying to figure things out, there was a lot that was happening, so like, what was that next piece that fell into place or kind of like what happened?
Abby: Yeah, so, we did the first season, and like I said I had been coming off of school so I was a full-time student, I was working almost full-time and then was trying to launch a business at the same time, so, just, tons of hours, working insane, um, and then went through season one, so again, just putting my head down, working really hard… in the fall we closed for the end of our first season and I crashed. Like in, in every way you could crash, like mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, I was just like, done. Um, so it was probably actually like one of the lowest periods in my life ever, so that kind of what was next.
Lily: Yeah, yeah, I think that, you know, just for anyone in general, like, that was so hard, like how do you go, you know, that’s like nonstop and it’s like, “Gosh, I have like nothing left to give”, it’s like, your moment of peace of like what’s trying to process everything, and like trying to figure out like “Oh my gosh what even happened”, you know, ‘cause like, really good things, scary things… was there anyone in your life in particular that you were like, “This person was like with me and held me together?”
Abby: Um, yeah, so… I, like I said it was probably like the lowest season of my life, I was just exhausted and just personally my life was kind of just unraveling and falling apart, um, and so I had a period where I started, I had anxiety attacks in high school and they started coming back that fall, um, and so I just got really like anxious, really scared, I like barely left my house that fall actually, like going to the grocery store would give me anxiety, and um, so just like really really low, that was probably a couple month period, and then I just got to this point where I kind of felt like the Lord was like “Okay,” um, like “That time is over,” and like, “You need some help.” So I had actually reached out to a lady in our church named Debbie Jetto, um, and…
Lily: We love Debbie Jetto.
Abby: We love Debbie Jetto. (Both laugh) Definitely do. Um, she definitely comes back later in my story, but I had reached out to her and I had just essentially gone to her and been like, “I… I need help. Like I am not going to make it in my life if I don’t have… I just… Like I just need somebody.” Um, so we started meeting weekly, and like religiously meeting weekly ‘cause I just needed someone to talk to and to help like process emotions with, process what was going on with my personal life… um, I just needed that lifeline, so like, yeah. She definitely- I mean, I have a super supportive family and stuff too-
Lily: Yeah.
Abby: -but, um, her specifically was somebody that I was like consistently talking to that kind of helped me walk through that really emotional season for sure.
Lily: Mm-hm. Was there anything, um, that stuck out to you in particular that she had said or done or like, “Here’s some tools that can really help you” and then really taking that on and like really implementing them in your life?
Abby: …Yeah, probably the biggest like overall takeaway- and granted, we had met for months weekly, so lots of things said- but I think one of the biggest things she said, um, which has played into like our core values at Redemption actually, um, is she looked at me and was kind of like, “Abby, I get that life is hard and I get that there’s circumstances that you don’t like, and I’m not saying that they’re okay, I’m not justifying, like, hurt that’s happening or circumstances, but your responsible for you. You’re accountable to you. And so you’re responsible for your own heart and how you show up to issues.” …And so like, anxiety? Real thing. Feeling lonely, or, or, struggling, or just feeling scared of the future, all of those things are real things, so she never denied what I was feeling, but she pretty much in like the most gracious way possible was like, “I see where you’re at,” um, “and I will sit with you in the mud puddle for a little bit, but then I’m going to help you out of it because it’s not truth.” Like, “your life isn’t stuck in the mud, and I’m gonna help you walk out of the mud.” Um, so that was kind of like probably the biggest thing.
Lily: Yeah. I think that honestly is so inspiring for a lot of people just because it’s like, you get your moment to like, sit in the puddle, like you get that…
Abby: Mm-hmm…
Lily: But then, like, you can’t go anywhere if you continue to sit in that.
Abby: Yeah.
Lily: So then being like, “We’re gonna get-” like, “You’re not gonna do it alone. I’m gonna be here with you.”
Abby: Mm-hmm.
Lily: And I just think that helps a lot of people like going through similar things, different things, just focusing, “Okay, I get to feel those things, but then I need to be strong enough to like, then move past that.”
Abby: Yeah, and I think one of the biggest things I learned through that experience was like, just how poorly people can do it sometimes and myself included, like I’ve been the person who’s been a bad friend before… where I’ve either gone on the side of like, brushing away people’s feelings or emotions or trauma and being like “Oh”, like, “Get over it”, like, “Suck it up”, or, you know, just all those pithy things that we say, or we’re just being like “No, trauma isn’t real, hard things just shouldn’t have impact” which was just super naïve and just stupid on my part.
Lily: Right.
Abby: But then you can go to the other extreme where you can just like, tell people, like, validate people’s struggles so much that you just like, say “Yeah, live in the mud puddle forever!” And that’s not okay either. It actually doesn’t help somebody to be like “Yeah, your life does suck and that is so hard and that person is horrible” or X, Y, and Z, like be whatever it may, um, like life is hard and there’s this like grace-filled balance- which, another part of our core values (Lily laughs)- which is like “responding to things in grace and grit”, there’s a balance between both of those. Of having enough grace for people that you can sit in the mud puddle with them, and then enough grit to know and to say “I know this is really gonna hurt and it’s gonna be hard and muddy and sticky and uncomfortable but I’m” like, “let’s climb out of the mud now.” And so she definitely helped teach me that. Now it’s like a core of who I am, it’s a core of the business, now it’s what I tell my friends, I- (laughs) yeah-
Lily: You’ve definitely told me that (laughs). That’s awesome, okay, so now, you’ve been meeting with her monthly, then kind of, where are we at now, at this point?
Abby: Yeah, we met monthly, and then in the winter, um, my life really drastically changed, um…. so I actually ended up facing a divorce, which was just an entirely, obviously just life switch…
Lily: …for sure…
Abby: …and so entering season two of Redemption, my life was entirely different.
Lily: Yeah.
Abby: Um, I was coming off of just, again, the same low, mental emotional, physical, spiritual low, and just like hard hard hard life. And so season two was such a vulnerable, scary thing, I have a vivid vivid memory of standing in the doorway at Redemption in tears, going like, “God, I don’t know how to do this. Everything in my life has felt like it’s fallen apart. Literally everything. And I can’t lose this too.” And I almost audibly heard the Lord say, “Abby- Open Hands, Willing Heart.” And that, I wrote it on my mirror on the back of Redemption, like you’ve seen it… um, now it’s kind of like a motto, but like, that summer I repeated that to myself, like that mantra to myself the entire summer. Um, just knowing that- knowing it was from the Lord and knowing that I really needed to hear it.
Lily: Yeah. Yeah, I think, I mean, for a lot of us that know you super well and um, have grown up with you and like saw you in those seasons it was, it was pretty hard to watch just ‘cause it was like, no one should ever go through that, but in seeing how, you know, like you go through this super high of like starting a new business and people were super supportive, and then going through divorce, and like having those things just be super super hard… like, that was scary to watch, and it’s just- for anyone in general- it’s, you know, I mean, trauma is crazy and does a lot of things to your mind, and then… How did you not bring that into your business for season two? ‘Cause like for a lot of people, when you’re a business owner and you have all these life things, it can be really challenging to keep those boundaries of like, ”this is my personal life and this is my business and I need to keep those things separate” in a way, you know? So how did, how did you do that?
Abby: Ironically, I really don’t feel like I had a lot of separation or boundaries between my personal life and my business, um, not because I didn’t want them, but because it actually felt like nearly impossible. I was really really, I shouldn’t say that, I was really really private about what was going on, so I wasn’t necessarily talking with everybody about it, but I serve coffee at the bar, like that’s what I do, and um, that comes with conversation with people and talking with people and… it was just easy to tell that I wasn’t like, my normal self.
Lily: Mm-hmm.
Abby: Um, it was super humbling. Like insanely humbling… because my life had fallen apart and I was walking through something that, you know, I hadn’t even known… I just never expected. I never expected that it would be my story, ever, I never expected that that brokenness would be my story. Divorce is something I never wanted, ever. And so that was really hard.
Lily: Right.
Abby: And it was really humbling and embarrassing and I was processing through that and it felt like I was processing through it on a stage because it’s a small town and everybody, you know, knew me, and I was serving the community every day so there was no like, hiding, you know? There was no just going in my house for a couple of months; that wasn’t an option. So I don’t know if I boundaried that super well. I do think that the Lord used it.
Lily: For sure.
Abby: And so, that’s more what I learned out of it. Um, and I do, like I said, I was like private on details. I was… what I wasn’t private on or what I was open about was just the fact that I was broken, um, and that I was trying to come to terms with that, and that I still believed that the Lord had a plan for my life, and I still believed that there was hope, and like I said, the Lord had kind of told me, “Open Hands, Willing Heart” and so for me that was Him challenging me, like, “Abby, let go of control. If you hold on to something in life- a person, a business, really anything- you end up crushing it and it can’t grow.” And so when I was so afraid of losing Redemption because everything else had kind of fallen apart, it was the Lord’s warning to me of like, “Don’t hold on to this thing or you’re gonna crush it, so open your hands, be willing to do what I ask you to do, and let Me do the rest, and if something leaves, then it wasn’t weighty enough to stay there in the first place.”
Lily: Mm-hmm, yeah, I think like too, one of the things that makes like Redemption and you so unique and un-traditional compared to other coffee shops is like, we can sit at- I mean, I tell you (Abby laughs) I have sat at that bar so many times like, trauma-dumping on you (laughs) but it is, it’s almost like a safe place, like, “You get to sit on my bar and tell me all of the things that you feel safe talking about”, and like, “I will do my best listening to you” and honestly like sharing like, “I have gone through like some hard things” and then just creating that community that, I mean I know we’ve talked about of before of like, how many relationships like that has cultivated through that, and so, I don’t know, like you tell me, was that, was that the start of you like cultivating relationships? ‘Cause like, that was a huge thing for you.
Abby: Yeah, yeah… I think that… I mean, the Lord had been working on that for a long time, like getting me more comfortable being uncomfortable, getting me more comfortable with being out of like control, and just like surrendering to His plan, but really He super was working on being okay with telling my story, even the really messy, hard, uncomfortable parts of it, because they’re a platform for hope. And that really, that summer became the mantra for me of- and it’s ironic because the name Redemption, I had had since I was a senior, since I was in high school, so it wasn’t something I had like pre-planned or organized, it was totally the Lord, like the Lord had given me the name in high school, so when I was walking through that, the Lord kind of told me, like, “I gave you the name Redemption before you ever knew this was in your story, but I knew. Like this isn’t beyond me.” And so I think I just really, I started to see how me being willing to just uncomfortably say, like, “My life has been really hard and I don’t have all the answers to this and this isn’t what I wanted”, um, being willing to say that I was amazed at the amount of people over the bar then who were willing to be like, “Thank you for saying that”, and then they felt comfortable enough because I was awkward and vulnerable (both laugh) and like really personal… they felt comfortable then to admit what was hard in their life, and like you said it created a space at the bar, which is kind of the point of this podcast (both laugh), yeah, it created a space at the bar where people could feel seen, met, and encouraged; where they could leave a little bit more hopeful, not because I had all these magical answers, but because I had gone through something- I was going through something really hard and I still had hope.
Lily: Yeah.
Abby: I still had hope that there was redemption. That redemption was possible. And so like, I’m still on that journey, I’m still on my personal journey to Redemption. I don’t have the like magical, like, “And then I met Mr. Right and he magically fixed everything” like I don’t have that ending yet. Um, this is just like, I still believe that there’s hope, I still believe that there’s redemption here, so I think that’s kind of where that came in for me.
Lily: I love that. So honestly like what’s been like your, you know, so you took your leap of faith and you really listened to God and what He was telling you to do and you started sharing your story, and really being open to the community and kind of this awesome, um, thing that was happening, so what was your reaction kind of, you know, toward the end of the season you started doing that, you were faithful, really good conversations… Were you just like, “Wow, God is so faithful”, like what was your reaction when you, you know, took those steps of faith?
Abby: I… was really overwhelmed by the fact that I could feel that the Lord was going to use the messy parts of me. Um, ‘cause it was just really clear to me that He didn’t want my perfect story; He wanted my messy one.
Lily: Yeah.
Abby: And, um, it took me a while to come to terms with that and to, you know, because it just, again it wasn’t the story I ever asked for, and so the next winter, really focusing on like personal healing and personal growth and um, you know, where was my life going from here, but really, it was kind of the, the… the Lord doing a work of just saying like, “I’ve got this. Trust me with it and hold on to My promises and My truths and claim them even when you can’t see circumstancially how the story is righted for good yet. Believe in it anyways. Pray for it anyways. Speak it anyways. Share it anyways. Because people need that. Other people need that.” And so yeah, I think that that was kind of true for me that next winter then.
Lily: Yeah ‘cause it’s so easy to be kind of in this, like, I, you know, where you can put on a show and be like “I’m not going to be my real authentic self, I’m gonna put on a show, I don’t want people to view me that way, I want people to think I’m okay” like all these things and it can be so easy to do in like every aspect like in your faith or in your relationships or financially, financial stuff, and I think everyone can attest to that, of like, we all feel it, but like it is so important to be just like raw and authentically yourself and honestly watching you do that and being honest and being your cousin and stuff and watching you do that was like “No, it’s okay to not be okay.”
Abby: Yeah, totally.
Lily: And like recognizing that and like moving forward.
Abby: Yeah and I think one of the things I really had to learn, like first I had to learn it’s okay to not be okay, and because everything had fallen apart and I was like needing to do this business still and work a crazy amount of hours in a week, I didn’t even have the energy to try to pretend that I was okay, so it was like, that wasn’t even like an option ‘cause I didn’t have the manpower to do that, um, so, I had to learn that first, and then secondly I had to learn the balance between it is okay to not be okay, it’s not okay to stay in the mud forever though, so learn that. I had to learn like taking up your own personal accountability for your own mistakes and your own participation in problems and your own faults, so taking that, and then I also had to learn that, um, it’s okay to have boundaries around things too. And so being authentic doesn’t mean that everyone is righted to every part of your story.
Lily: Exactly, yeah.
Abby: And so it’s okay to have healthy boundaries and it’s okay to have things that are private and it’s okay to only share certain things with certain people who can handle that information and safeguard it and help you get out of the mud. And so I started to have to get really intentional about the relationships I had in my life, um, because, you know, not everyone was pointing you where you wanted to go, and I didn’t want to sit in the mud anymore. And so I was really grateful that the Lord put that in me but I didn’t want divorce to be the rest of my story, and I’m really grateful that that happened right away at the beginning and so even though I was hurting, and even though it was really low and really broken, I knew I knew I didn’t want my life to be over or defined by it forever.
Lily: Yeah, yeah. I remember you telling me something. We were on our way to Duluth and you were like, “Lily, are you gonna be defined by this or are you going to be refined by it?” And I think that like stuck so much to me because I was like, okay, this thing happened to me and it was super sad and I was like hurting, and like you can either go two paths: you can go to this crazy path and be like, “My life sucks and I’m gonna do all these horrible things” or you can be like, “No, I’m a daughter of a King, God has created me for all these amazing things, this horrible thing happened to me but like I’m going to show Christ and I want people to look at me and be like, ‘She has something bigger than anything this world can give.’” And so I think when you said that to me it was like “Oh my goodness, this girl has some good things to say.” (Both laugh)
Abby: Well, and I think like even for people who aren’t believers, the stories that you’re attracted to are people who are refined by what they go through and not defined by it. Like think about the movies you like to go to, like when you watch that inspiring commercial and you’re like “I wanna go see that”, it’s not the person who was defined by it. Like “Oh, my legs got blown off and I just sat there for the rest of my life.” (Both laugh) No one would go to see that movie.
Lily: No, it’s like when the person would go on to become like an Olympic runner.
Abby: Yes! And like, the guy, yeah, and then he runs, and like you’re crying at the end of the movie because like he wasn’t defined by his trauma, he was refined by it and he was made better, and what’s crazy like in those stories is the person usually says some version of like, “I actually wouldn’t change it now.”
Lily: Yes.
Abby: “I would never wish it on anybody. I would never go through it again. But I wouldn’t change it ‘cause I like me better.” And that became, has become my story, where I’d never wish divorce on anybody, I’d never want to go through it again, I still don’t love that it’s in my story at all, it’s embarrassing still, but I wouldn’t change it ‘cause I like Abby better. Like our core values like our first few episodes that we went through, all of those things were pulled from this season of life. All of those things were lessons I was taught through this, so yeah, like you said, I think it’s super applicable and it’s helped me encourage other people now moving forward of going like, “Yeah, you have a choice, so pick. Do you want it to be what defines you forever or would you just like to be refined by this and come out better and stronger and more encouraging to other people?”
Lily: Yeah, for sure. Okay so we’re wrapping up, we wrapped up season two, we’re starting season three, um, kind of give us a brief intro to season three.
Abby: Yeah, season three was entirely different. I had done my healing for the most part and, um, mindset had just shifted a lot for me. I, it was the first time I really related to the word “entrepreneur”, so season three was the first time I was like “I really, I like this, like I think I’m excited about this.” Um, so it was just really different, we did, that’s when we launched Cultivate Events, so we launched Cultivate Events season three, so last summer we had three events ending in like a big bang finale in the fall, um, right before we closed, so, yeah it was just really different, it was super fun, I enjoyed it. I didn’t not enjoy the previous seasons but this was just the first time where it had kind of got like super fun.
Lily: Yeah, where you’re like, “I’m good, my mental health? Good, I’m fully present in Redemption and doing these things.”
Abby: Yeah, I was doing the thing and I was just, like yeah, my personal life was less traumatic again so yeah it was just a lot more fun to be there, um, and yeah I just embraced like I said the word “entrepreneur” more and the kind of the, the like lifestyle and mindset that went with that. So just being like full-send, let’s do this thing, I’m having fun, um, so that was really nice.
Lily: Yeah, and it was super fun just to see, you know, you take your like marketing side and you know, implementing that with your business and all that and just like watching people come together and having fun and doing all the things.
Abby: Yeah, yeah, so that part was really fun. I also just kind of started doing that in my personal life too, like the cultivating relationships thing, um, so I think that helped a lot too, like, I was just significantly more intentional, like everything that I was doing was- intentionality was my buzzword, it still is, but like it really started last summer.
Lily: Yeah. So, intentionality can be like a super big word, and like it can be really hard and just like you look at it and you’re like, it takes time and it takes time and it’s hard and it’s all the things, so what are, what were kind of the ways you were like “I need to be serious about this” like, “I need girlfriends, I need relationships, I need these things and like I need them…" you know, just to like “do them well and be good and to be intentional.” So like, what was your mindset and kind of flipping that and going into that?
Abby: Yeah, I think experiencing loss in relationships…. it’s done multiple things for me in life, sometimes before it’s made me not want to have relationships, ‘cause I don’t want to get hurt, um, but then the Lord really kind of taught me like, “Hey, loss is a part of life, sometimes people are gonna leave, and they’re gonna choose... like, they’re gonna chose to leave, but you get to control how you show up”, like kind of what I said, taking that personal accountability for it. And so, my, like my mindset really just started to be like “I want to be the best Abby I can be. I want to have the best life that I can have. And I’m not going to get there accidentally.” Like it’s not gonna happen on accident. You’re not gonna have awesome friendships on accident. You’re not gonna have an awesome marriage on accident. Your life isn’t gonna happen unless you make it happen. Um, so I just started to really evaluate like, you know, this was the first season in my life in a really long time where I finally got to make the call by myself. There was nobody else to factor in, it was just Abby. So I don’t, I didn’t tell a lot of people this, but like, I actually had a moment where I was like, “Should I just move? Should I, should I just sell the business or like shut the door and like move anywhere?” ‘Cause like it was an option, it was the first time in my life where it was like, you could do whatever you want to, so what do you want to do? And I realized I wanted the same things. I wanted to be in this community ‘cause it’s where my people are, you know, this is where my nephew is and I want to watch him grow up, and like, I love this town and I love serving this town coffee and having conversations and so I just got a lot of clarity on like, what was my vision, which we talked about in a previous episode, so if you’re curious more about that you can go listen to that too, tune in… but I just, I had to figure out what was my vision, what did I want from my life, and then after kind of nailing in on that I had to figure out like well “What’s the strategy to get there?” And intentionality just became obvious. You have to decide, “How do I break this down so I can become her?”
Lily: Yup.
Abby: And that’s sort of what I did, I just decided the person I wanted to be and now I’m on the journey to becoming her. So long ways away from being done, finished Abby, but definitely eyes locked on like “I want to be her, I want those things to be true about me someday, what can I do today to be one step closer to being that person.”
Lily: Yeah, I know, um, I was in your room and we had talked about vision boards and kind of just briefly just touching into that because I know like, that can be a super helpful step for someone when you’re like “Here’s the person I want to be, here are all the life things that I want” and then just kind of like putting that out and I know you were super big into that so just briefly talk about that for a minute.
Abby: Yeah, I think there’s a lot of different ways you can do some version of this, I tend to be a much more creatively minded person and like visual, and so for me (both laugh) I’m, yeah, so for me I’m definitely like the full-on Pinterest board person, um, so I kind of like just went through those Pinterest board and like physically printed off and made like a whole collage and it’s in my office…
Lily: It’s so cute.
Abby: (Laughs) Um, but you could do this with words, you could do this through writing, you could just like sit and ponder if that’s your thing. Um, so like, whatever, could take on different forms, um, but like I just looked at the full scope of life. So not just like business or work, but like relationships, what do I want to be true about those, what do I want to be true about my health, what do I want to be true about my finances, what do I want to be true about my hobbies, and I kind of went like the full scope of like what makes up a person, and what makes up me. Um, which is true for everybody, and then kind of defined what it would look like for me in that area, what would it have to look like for that to be claimed successful. And that, that’s gonna be different for everybody, so for someone else financially that could be five million dollars in two years, and like that’s what success looks like… that’s a whole different conversation in like defining success and like, yada-yada, um, but for me I just had asked those questions. “Well what would success in friendships look like for me?” And I defined it and then when I defined and looked at my reality I was like oof, I’m really off. Like I’m really off from where I want to be. So then I, in all of those areas of life, I started to go “Well if I want to be there, how do I get there”, um, so one of the things I had done then that summer is I had texted a bunch of girls from the community and I was like “Hey, this is super random, sorry, kind of my MO, but I am gonna start meeting Wednesdays at the beach and we’re just gunna chat and talk life and there’s not gonna be anything super formal for it” but probably just said “this is probably super awkward but I’m hungry for relationship. I’m hungry for friendships. And so this is my like really awkward embarrassing public cry for like ‘I need female relationships’.” And what’s crazy it it worked.
Lily: Yes, it did.
Abby: Like what’s crazy is all summer it went on Wednesdays, I think we only missed one or two Wednesdays, and sometimes we even went when it was like pouring rain.
Lily: …Lightning storms, major thunder…
Abby: (Laughs) Yeah, yeah…
Lily: …tornado sirens going and everyone’s like, “Let’s go to the beach!”
Abby: Yeah, that happened, but it was so good, it was so cool to watch like, when I stood up and I raised my hand, and I was vulnerable, which has kind of been my whole story, but when I said “Life is really hard, I’ve been through some hard things, these are my broken parts…” every single time it’s caused other people to open up and to feel free to admit their own weaknesses and their own struggles and what’s cool then is that together we can move forward then to something better. Now I’ve just watched, like, other people cultivate their own relationships too and that’s been really cool and it wasn’t because I did something magical, it’s because I was just honest enough to say, “I’m really lonely.”
Lily: Mm-hmm, you took that vulnerable step and I think it, um, just grew so many amazing things out of it, which is super awesome and we love to see it and it was such a fun summer.
Abby: It was, it was…
Lily: …sand on the beach, volleyball in the sand, so many great conversations, just like truly getting to know all these amazing women and being able to be like “Let’s do hard together.”
Abby: Yeah. Aww, I love that.
Lily: Like let’s do it. So yeah.
Abby: I love that, no, yeah, that was definitely what it produced so that’s cool.
Lily: Alright, so that wrapped up season three, we loved season three, we’re excited for season four…
Abby: Yes…
Lily: All the things…
Abby: All the things…
Lily: So, what can we expect in season four?
Abby: Yeah, so this is like, total, well, first off you can expect the podcast, so that’s new!
Lily: Love…
Abby: Hey, so if you aren’t watching you should be- or listening- so we’re doing that so that’s been like a huge project this winter, we’ll continue releasing episodes throughout the summer, so this is a way to take conversations that we have at the bar at Redemption beyond the bar, um, and have them beyond the bar, um, so this is new, but probably like our biggest insider secret that we haven’t shared anywhere is we’re creating an entirely new space at Redemption… Yeah, so finally convinced- I shouldn’t say I did- my dad actually was the one who finally convinced my grandpa to let me take over like a different part of the property, so it’s like an actual Redemption project, and as we’re recording this episode, I literally today- like I don’t know if you can see this but I like hit a tree, a tree hit my face and it’s like a giant cut- well it’s not giant, it feels giant… Um, so, as we’re recording, we’re redeeming that space. It looks horrible. Like, we just moved a giant semi that’s been there for like twenty years by inches, like we had inches of space on either side of two buildings and it just came out, um… so, we’re in the process of doing that, but the goal is to have an event space on Redemption’s property, so that’s probably like the biggest secret, if you’re an insider listening to this episode you’re like the first to know…
Lily: Oh my goodness, we love secrets…. (Both laugh) Tune in, you need to hear this ‘cause you’ll get all the secrets.
Abby: All the secrets, so yeah, I’m really excited for that, um, it’s gonna be, we’re calling it the courtyard, so…
Lily: Oooooh, fun….
Abby: I know, so, um, parties at the courtyard, I’m not exactly sure what that entails yet, but we’re just really looking for a way to keep doing cultivate events so like ways to get people together, doing community, um, yeah, so now we have a way.
Lily: Alright. Any secrets in your personal life…?
Abby: I wish there were secrets in my personal life! Um, no, not really any secrets in my personal life, I’ve definitely just been hitting, hitting the ground hard with business, um, trying to invest in like my friendships still and stuff like that, so, no, nothing interesting really to tell there except definitely find your girlfriends in life and invest in them, it’s totally worth it, so that’s not really a secret, just like advice. Find them, put in the effort, do hard things together, have awkward conversations… um, my friends and I have like a “Quarterly Connect” which I started so we meet like once a quarter like specifically- we meet more than that- but like specifically just to talk about like, what we could do better and what our goals are for the next quarter, so like just get intentional in relationships, um, yeah.
Lily: We love that, it’s important.
Abby: So like yeah, not a secret.
Lily: Aww man, well hopefully there’ll be a secret soon. (Abby laughs) Alright, so our last final question, um… So if you could go back and tell your younger self one thing what would it be, and what’s the thing you’d want to be remembered for?
Abby: Yes, if I could go…
Lily: Hard questions.
Abby: Hard question, two of them, I’ve hit everybody else with them and now it’s my turn. Um, I think if I could go back and tell myself one thing, like grab high-school Abby, I would tell her the “Open Hands, Willing Heart”. I would tell her that life is super hard, um, you don’t get to pick the story, and there’s gonna be a billion and one things that happen that you didn’t ask for, that you didn’t want, like, life is just gonna take you different directions, so open up your hands. Open up your hands, trust that the Lord is good and that some people come and some people go, and that doesn’t have to change who you are. So you can love hard and you can love fully and completely and if other people leave, that’s okay. You’re gonna find your people, life’s gonna throw you curveballs and you’re just gonna have to roll with them so just open up your hands, stop trying to control everything, I just was such a control freak. Um, so open up your hands, take risks, and just, you know, have a willing heart to do things, to try things, to get uncomfortable, so I would definitely tell her that. She needed to hear that, she had to learn it the hard way, um, so God is gracious and God is good and I feel like I’ve learned that lesson or am learning that lesson but if I could have learned it sooner without some of the hard things, that would have been fun.
Um, but to the second question, I genuinely just want to be remembered for how I loved people. Like if one thing could be true at my funeral, I would want people to say, like, “She always had a spot at her table and a coffee ready, um, a coffee ready… and whatever version of me showed up at that table, she just loved me really well.” Um, so I want that to be true.
Lily: I love that, yeah
Abby: Yeah. Thanks.
Lily: That’s so good. Well, thank you so much, I’m so honored that I, that you chose me to be the host (Abby laughs), and it’s been so fun interviewing you and be able to be on this podcast, so I appreciate that so much.
Abby: Thank you for being willing to take the hot seat, I literally just like, insiders, if you watch this you get insider things, she just literally came home from college and like, what, like an hour ago I was like “Hey, do you wanna like record a podcast with me?”
Lily: I was like so nervous you guys, like I’m wearing the hat, the all the things, and you’re just like “I just got done going to class” and Abby comes in, I walk through the door and she’s like “Do you want to record a podcast?” and I’m like “I don’t know how to record a podcast! I just listen to podcasts! I know how to talk, but… this is scary.” But I was like, yeah, let’s do it, this is fun.
Abby: It worked out, you had your Redemption hat, so like, it was…
Lily: Oh my gosh you guys, get the merch this summer, I’ve spent so much money on it but it’s so worth it.
Abby: (Laughs) So, yeah, I’m actually chaos, but it works out so I appreciate you being willing to come without any forewarning, any prep, you did this totally off-the-cuff, so, thanks for being here and doing it. And thank you guys for being here and for watching, um, I’m so appreciative for you guys listening, you can hit that subscribe button to get that next episode release otherwise we’ll see you next time Beyond the Bar!
